Raise a Glass

In a way, your speech is a gift to the bride and groom. It's a moment on their day where you have the floor. It deserves thought, but it can also be a daunting process from planning what to say to actually talking in front of a large group of people. We are here to help, so that you can make sure your toast is everything you hope it to be.

The hardest part of writing a toast is usually just getting started. First, write down everything you can think of about the bride or the groom (depending on what side of the aisle you're standing). Include characteristics, personal experiences, memories and details about the couple. Even if you know right off it won't make it into the speech, write it down anyway. It might branch off to something else. For organizational purposes, bulleted lists are helpful. Draw from this list as you begin to write.

Remember that sincerity is much better received than awkward humor. Nerves can throw off your comic timing, so tread lightly. Also remember your audience. Close friends might laugh about the groom's once-womanizing ways, but Grandma and Grandpa Jones probably won't. Professor emeritus Russell Keeling, who still teaches public speaking courses for Missouri State University, says he knows of many instances where the line was crossed at a wedding. "It's a joyous occasion," he says. "Humor is certainly proper, and even a little bit of the roast-type humor can be fine. Just know your audience." Some things are going to be humorous and endearing to everyone. These things should be obvious. If you're questioning if it's inappropriate, it probably is and needs to go. Also, be conscientious of time. If it's too long, you lose attention; too short, it looks like you don't care. Keeling says to keep a speech to five or six minutes. You can possibly go for 10, but if there are many people speaking, keep it short.
 
After your speech is written, don't leave it at that. Practice. Don't look like you printed the speech from the Internet (which actually is available if times get desperate). If you're nervous talking in front of groups, practice it beforehand. Nervous reactions such as a flipping stomach or shaking hands are created by the release of adrenaline. Your body goes into fight-or-flight mode. You can't run, and you're sure to be in bad standing if you punch someone, so Keeling recommends taking deep breaths and tightening and relaxing muscles to calm your system. Tactics such as imagining your audience in bunny suits, he says, don't work.

Finally, lay off the bubbly until your 15 minutes of fame are up. "You need to end with a sincere tribute," Keeling says. "It may be one or two sentences or a few minutes." Then, let everyone know you're finished by with a confident, "Cheers."

Now, you may drink.